Rusty’s CFB Week 14 Card

Happy Thanksgiving

From what I understand, the history of Thanksgiving goes back to the 1600s and involved European settlers and Native Americans exchanging food despite the fact that they likely couldn’t communicate because of the language barrier.  It’s also unlikely Turkey was on the menu.

The history of Thanksgiving I subscribe to begins with John Madden in 1996.  The All-Madden version involves food, football, family, and a little bit of comedic relief.  Everyone gathered in the living room around grandma’s TV with their drink of choice watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade for breakfast before feasting on the Bears, Lions, Packers, and Cowboys for lunch and dinner. If Uncle Bill can stay awake for the games anyway.

Last Week

Rusty’s Week 13 Picks 6-4 (+1.46u)

Full CFB Card 8-7 (+11.81u)

First rule, we don’t dwell on the past. Good or bad. At half, the FSP partners made a move and pushed the lines in the Buckeyes game to the max. The play was OSU -22.5 parlayed with over 52.5 which ended up cashing in an early Christmas miracle. Along with a profitable Pony Play of the Week, the life rafts were all located and survivors boarded the rescue ship. The system of falling totals went 1-1 (4-2 on season) with USC going under and Arkansas going over so we’ll give it one more chance this week. Lastly, it’s a shame we don’t bet with our hearts because Illinois won a barnburner and moved to 7-3-1 against the spread.

This Week

For week 14 we have a bountiful banquet of college football cooked up of which I’ve once again picked my ten favorite plays to put on my plate and take to my seat at the kids table.  I’ve also added a little Thanksgiving flavor by ranking the top ten Thanksgiving foods from worst to best alongside my picks.  Since a few people have asked me to provide an explanation of my picks I’ve included a snippet for each this week. A little gravy with every bite.

Notes: Tulane/Memphis game is Thanksgiving night and Wisconsin/Minnesota is Friday night. Lines are current as of 5:30PM EST 11/27/2024 so go lock them in now.

10. Wisconsin -1.5 vs. Minnesota | Cranberry sauce - For all you psychos out there. Nobody actually likes this, right? No one would miss it if it wasn’t at the table but there’s something nostalgic about a little cranberry sauce dripping into the rest of the foods on your plate.

9. Tulane -13.5 vs. Memphis | Whiskey before noon - Black Wednesday isn’t going to cure itself and you haven’t seen your cousin for a year. Also, eases the stress of children crying.

8. South Carolina +2.5 @ Clemson | Green bean casserole - It’s a real crowd pleaser, everyone will eat it. I’m not sure if it’s new to Thanksgiving because I had an aversion to casseroles as a kid so if I saw a casserole dish I was skipping it.

7. Texas A&M +5 vs. Texas | Pumpkin pie - This could win outright if it’s made correctly but it’s so hit and miss it slid a few positions down the list. Gotta have whip cream with it. Ice cream is a nice addition as well. Honorable mention to its doppelganger, sweet potato pie.

6. Auburn +11.5 @ Alabama | Afternoon nap - Uncle Bill leads the league with quickest time to nap post feast. Planning my nap this week to commence at the start of the Cowboys game. Wake up in time to see my o37.5 is nowhere near cashing and then right back to sleep.

5. Syracuse +10.5 vs. Miami | Potatoes - Choose your own adventure here but we’re not going to pick apart the 25 different ways to prepare different kinds of potatoes. They’re all good and better with butter.

4. Ohio State -20.5 vs. Michigan | Stuffing - If you don’t enjoy stuffing you aren’t a true connoisseur of the meal. You’ve not given it a chance or no one’s made it properly for you. Folks sometimes don’t make enough of it so it goes fast. If you don’t get a scoop of it on your first trip through the food line, you might miss out on it altogether.

3. North Texas -11 @ Temple | Grandma’s wine cabinet - It’s much deeper than you think and it will sneak up on you. As one bottle is finished, another full one appears in its place. Grandma will drink you under the table so don’t even try it. When your significant other asks, it’s only your third glass.

2. Washington @ Oregon o51 | Turkey - It’s the only food on the table which can be easily substituted for something else but hardest to remove from the holiday. It has a stranglehold on Thanksgiving in America. Kind of like the grip this system of falling totals has on me.

1. Vanderbilt +11 vs. Tennessee | Gravy - The food that goes best with every other food served. It’s also good by itself. Real tasty if it’s made with bits of the turkey included in it. Just thinking about covering my plate with it makes me want to tear down the goalposts, carry them down Broadway, and toss them in the Cumberland River. Again.

Bonus Turkey Day FSP - Lions o47.5/Lions -10/Cowboys -4/Packers -3.5